The room was hot. 103 degrees according to the thermostat behind me. The instructor called phrases like, "up dog", "down dog", "warrior one", and "eagle". She looked fresh as a daisy while everyone else was dripping with sweat.
My friend invited me to join her at a new yoga place she loves. Her free pass was expiring soon and she wondered if I wanted to try a class. I agreed without asking any questions. I might not have been so quick to join her if I knew it was Hot Yoga.
The class was difficult, but I felt so great by the end that I was not complaining. My friend and I chatted with the instructor for a few minutes, then I went home. I found Bob in the basement, excited to tell him I had survived the class. He listened patiently asking if I was going to take a shower before dinner, which seemed like an odd response.
"Of course", I said before floating upstairs.
The mirror revealed what no one else's face or words had. My face was flushed, sweat dampened my hair, and black rivulets ran down each cheek. It was a sight!1
It's hard to see what is mostly invisible.
Just like I couldn't see the mascara running down my face without a mirror, many things in life are invisible.
We're surrounded by messages and ideas about the acceptable way to be a human in this modern world. We rarely think to question them. It's second nature to focus on the individual accomplishments our culture applauds rather than nurture the quieter qualities like collaboration, cooperation, compassion, or kindness.
Unexamined influences have outsized impacts.
I was embarrassed imagining what everyone else thought about the mascara streaming down my face. Maybe they didn't notice. Maybe they didn't care. Maybe they thought I was a dork and were too polite to tell me. If they didn’t notice maybe I am as invisible as I feel sometimes.
Most likely they had been told some version of, "Keep your nose on your own face," as my sixth-grade teacher had told me. (See last week’s Substack for more on this.)
I grew up believing it was socially acceptable to stay out of other people's business. That, even if you see something, don't say anything. It's more important to stay silent rather than say the wrong thing.
I've been Keeping My Nose on My Own Face for such a long time that I didn't realize it affected my relationships with other people.
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